He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
