he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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