the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
