So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
