This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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