He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
