hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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