I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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