She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
