Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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