i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude i'm inner monologue high
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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