Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He did a backflip because drugs
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