He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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