I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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