make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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