Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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