i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
