WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
