How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
