so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
