is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
