That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up under a house in Key West
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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