I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
