How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
