i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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