Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
