Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think people are normalizing furries
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
