You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
