I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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