The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
