i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
