remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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