the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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