You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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