i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're too hungover to prance.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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