ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
