Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
