Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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