genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
