My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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