I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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