pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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