I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize