you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
