remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want nice things and good sex
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
