I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
