i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
