I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
