God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
