I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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