I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
