the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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