you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
