I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
