Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize