he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
