I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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