I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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