What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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