I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
