just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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