i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
