Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
