JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
