why didn't you poke me back
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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