I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
