So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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