so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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