Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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