Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize