eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
