No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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